The Carnies are Coming
Step right up boys and girls, the carnival is here.
Ahhhhh! I can smell the overpriced deep fried snickers bars and elephant ears already.
Why is it that carnival food is so good? I think that I should probably start working on another masters thesis surrounding this question. Before I get too off track though, lets talk about the reality of the Wabash Valley Festival, aka The Fairbanks Park Arts & Musical Festival (I'm not sure this name is going to stick), aka "Dirtfest", aka "The Dirty Butt Festival". The festival is one of the greatest times of the year for us residents of the west side. We love it. We save months for it. We sell our food stamps and blood so our kids can ride the rides and eat the food. And if we have a few bucks left, we spend it on a sweet t-shirt from the midway with wolves on it howling at the moon, or, a short pair of shorts produced in 1992 that says "Can't touch this" for the wife.
Can it get any better than that? I think not.
Now that I have a kid, I have several duties as it relates to Dirtfest:
1. I must dress my kid to go the festival.....in a diaper only.
2. I must make sure that her feet are black with dirt.
3. I must put on my mesh tank top and cut off shorts.
3. I must make my wife put on a cut off shirt (to show her belly button ring) and perhaps a pair of high heels...just to class it up.
4. I must get a pitbull to take with us (this is an issue for us, because we don't own a pitbull). Too bad, I will have to borrow one, or pick one up from the humane society.
5. I must hit the midway and act like a drunken rock star, spending money like there is no tomorrow. I'll spend $25 to win 2 goldfish....I don't care.
6. I must go to the old fashioned picture booth and get dressed up in 1800's garb and have my picture taken....fake mustache and bottle of whiskey are optional.
7. I must reason with the tilt-a-whirl operator until he agrees that my 10 week old baby should be allowed to ride.
8. I must win my wife a giant stuffed alligator....even if it means spending the money that was meant for my babies formula.
9. I must go to Bracelet Night and wait in line for an hour next to 28 high school dropouts just to ride the Pirate Ship.
10. I must convince the 28 high school dropouts that I too am a high school dropout and that we should all go to IHOP after the ride.
11. I must laugh at all those people who leave the carnival at midnight, because I will know that I am better than them because me, my wife, and my 10 week old baby will stay there until at least 1am.
12. I must eat two sati-babis, an elephant ear, and a taco in a bag and drink a giant lemon shake up.
13. I must go home feeling disgusting and broke with a giant stuffed alligator in the backseat.
You know what is truly interesting about the carnival and carnies (other than the longstanding comment about them having small hands and smelling like cabbage)? We all go the carnival and get on rides that were put together by carnies in under a day. How safe do you think these rides are?......probably a little safer than the (convicted felon) carnies who operate the place!
Who cares? I'll see you all there this weekend!
Ahhhhh! I can smell the overpriced deep fried snickers bars and elephant ears already.
Why is it that carnival food is so good? I think that I should probably start working on another masters thesis surrounding this question. Before I get too off track though, lets talk about the reality of the Wabash Valley Festival, aka The Fairbanks Park Arts & Musical Festival (I'm not sure this name is going to stick), aka "Dirtfest", aka "The Dirty Butt Festival". The festival is one of the greatest times of the year for us residents of the west side. We love it. We save months for it. We sell our food stamps and blood so our kids can ride the rides and eat the food. And if we have a few bucks left, we spend it on a sweet t-shirt from the midway with wolves on it howling at the moon, or, a short pair of shorts produced in 1992 that says "Can't touch this" for the wife.
Can it get any better than that? I think not.
Now that I have a kid, I have several duties as it relates to Dirtfest:
1. I must dress my kid to go the festival.....in a diaper only.
2. I must make sure that her feet are black with dirt.
3. I must put on my mesh tank top and cut off shorts.
3. I must make my wife put on a cut off shirt (to show her belly button ring) and perhaps a pair of high heels...just to class it up.
4. I must get a pitbull to take with us (this is an issue for us, because we don't own a pitbull). Too bad, I will have to borrow one, or pick one up from the humane society.
5. I must hit the midway and act like a drunken rock star, spending money like there is no tomorrow. I'll spend $25 to win 2 goldfish....I don't care.
6. I must go to the old fashioned picture booth and get dressed up in 1800's garb and have my picture taken....fake mustache and bottle of whiskey are optional.
7. I must reason with the tilt-a-whirl operator until he agrees that my 10 week old baby should be allowed to ride.
8. I must win my wife a giant stuffed alligator....even if it means spending the money that was meant for my babies formula.
9. I must go to Bracelet Night and wait in line for an hour next to 28 high school dropouts just to ride the Pirate Ship.
10. I must convince the 28 high school dropouts that I too am a high school dropout and that we should all go to IHOP after the ride.
11. I must laugh at all those people who leave the carnival at midnight, because I will know that I am better than them because me, my wife, and my 10 week old baby will stay there until at least 1am.
12. I must eat two sati-babis, an elephant ear, and a taco in a bag and drink a giant lemon shake up.
13. I must go home feeling disgusting and broke with a giant stuffed alligator in the backseat.
You know what is truly interesting about the carnival and carnies (other than the longstanding comment about them having small hands and smelling like cabbage)? We all go the carnival and get on rides that were put together by carnies in under a day. How safe do you think these rides are?......probably a little safer than the (convicted felon) carnies who operate the place!
Who cares? I'll see you all there this weekend!
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